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Man was that guy ever graphic. Vada vada vada Took a music course during university as a 'birdie' course. I think it was the same friend who told me black diamonds were easy that told me this course was smooth sailing. We had a listening comprehension during the exam. They would play a piece and then ask you if the piece used four violins or five.

Thank God for the Chinese guy sitting in front of me And the number 6 on the list of weird things I did Compiling a list of 5 other weird things I did and post them up on the web. I don't usually tag people but seeing that these two would complete the set of prominent Canadian Bengali bloggers, I decided to tag Nowal and the Bengali Fob.

Posted by mezba at pm 12 comments: Email This BlogThis! Labels: Bloggers. Since everyone seems to posting pictures of their cats, I thought I would follow the crowd too. I love the WTH expression on the little one's face, it was one of those pictures that captured the moment perfectly. I don't know why but I love this picture.

Got milk? Posted by mezba at pm 14 comments: Email This BlogThis! Labels: Life. One Book and Three Movie Reviews. White Teeth Abu Sinan tagged me with a book meme; I will just change the task slightly I know it's not allowed but What is the last book that you bought and why?

What was good or bad about it? A friend had recommended it to me. Usually when girls recommend a book to me, especially by a brown female writer, I stay away from that book. Those books tend to be very weepy weepy you know what I mean , written by an elitist person who hates her own culture and puts forward every negative aspect of their community in a very stereotypical manner.

Brick Lane by Monica Ali is a prime example. Thankfully White Teeth was not like that at all. My friend had good taste. It deals with multiculturalism, race issues and assimilation of immigrants into Britain.

There is a white guy Archie and a Bangladeshi British Iqbal and the story is about them and their families and children. Although it deals with some serious issues racism, terrorism, white supremacy, desi ghettos it never loses its fun factor. At times therefore it may appear cartoonish, but on the whole it's a good read. White Teeth definitely belongs to the former category. Apocalypto Mel Gibson is noted for blood and gore in his movies.

Ignore the Mayan dialogs and the incomprehensible title. This is not a bad movie. It does not touch the heights of Braveheart but amidst all the beheading and chopping of limbs and spears driving through hearts it's hard not to draw parallels between what is happening on screen tribes fighting each other before the white Europeans destroy a civilization and Iraq, or the pillaging of our environment. For some reason it was not as powerful as it sounds here but it was there.

I have a feeling that guys would not mind having spent 10 bucks at the end of the movie, but girls would feel cheated. It's not a great movie because of some reasons. The subtitles, for one. In one scene after the th killing one of the Mayans turns and says something to another. Because when we wanted to see this hyped up movie, we found out it wasn't playing at any of the Indian theaters, but at the famous English theaters.

Yes I know Woodside has some problems. The seats. The fact that if a tall sardar with a huge turban seats in front of you, there goes your movie. And so on. But it somehow feels wrong to watch a Hindi movie at an English theatre. Not to mention that there was no intermission. I don't care how comfortable your seat is, staying seated for 3 hours is tough.

Baabul was a great movie. Yes it dealt with some traditional stuff. But it was also dealt with an uncomfortable truth. What happens to widows? Even though the film dealt with a Hindu family, cast your mind to Muslim widows. How many have a life after the death of their husband? The second half was a bit gloomy though. The acting was good. For some reason Rani Mukherjee didn't look as good as I wanted her to. Apna Sapna Money Money Consider this scene.

Girl: I always thought when I meet that someone special, there would be guitars playing in my heart. Guy: Why don't we do one thing You hug me, in such a way so that my face is resting between your boobs. Then you close your eyes, and while I sniff your scent like a pervert, you tell me if there is a guitar in your heart.

And that is precisely why this movie is so enjoyable. It is full of gags and comic scenes. Every five or ten minutes you are bursting into a chuckle or laughter at the sillyness on purpose of the gags. It's a thorough timepass paisa wasul film. A lot of people are going for RIS - one of the biggest Islamic gathering of young Muslims in the world. To them, I would like to offer a few When you do wudu , please do not leave the washroom as if a tsunami has just passed through it.

Allah said to wash your feet, not wash your feet and everything within a 10m radius. Put foot in sink, wash, take out. If you splash water around, mop it with a paper tissue. It's your water. It's an Islamic event. It will be Islamic activities. It is not a place to "check out halal meat". Nor are you there to practice your act of tying the hijab knot in that oh-so-seductive pose.

Having said that, it's a shame the RIS organizers do not have any 'marriage meet up' or 'introductory' sessions. What a waste of young people under one roof. Ten years later, these women will be de- hijab ified and married to white guys because they could not find a guy and were not willing to be year-old spinsters, or the guys will have gone back and married an illiterate girl from back home and now stuck in an unhappy marriage for both him and her because he spent his youth clubbing, trying to meet girls and now relishes the prospect of fitnah.

Meanwhile these Islamic speakers will still be talking about how great the Spanish Muslim civilization was, or how the computer was originally invented by a Muslim, or how we must hold fast to the rope of the ummah , or some other crap.

If a speaker says something you dislike, it is not an invitation to demonstrate how good the vocal chords Allah has blessed you with are. If you disagree with something, keep it to yourself while he is speaking. Last time Dr Tareq Suwaidan once said that while the Prophet made many laws, some were political and applied only to his time and can be changed. Immediately a white convert who was dressed as if he just stepped out from Taliban's Top Idol started to shout and hiss.

And quite loudly too. When another speaker said last time clapping was haram, I felt like taking my chair and throwing it at him like a Frisbee. But I didn't. I blogged about it instead although, whenever he finished speaking I clapped as loudly as I could. Yelling "Takbir" as loudly as you can whenever a speaker says something good is not a successful pickup strategy. It doesn't work. Especially if you are a white convert.

As Maniac Muslim once said, with your accent, it sounds awfully close to "Take Beer", which is not what you want. Some women will be without hijab. Such women do exist. Deal with it. The hair of a woman is a beautiful thing. Meanwhile, some men will pray with their jeans covering their ankles.

It is not a sign of arrogance. It is a sign of buying cheap jeans at Walmart. To all single girls going to RIS with your mothers, please keep your mother in control. A leash would be preferable, but failing that, I suggest buying one of those ten year old perfumes from the bazaar they sell as 'fresh atar from Medinah'. Spray a bit on your mother.

It acts as a force field like deterrent for guys. Alternatively, if you are a guy, you could walk around with a "I-am-not-a-doctor" sign. Yes, with nothing to do over those days, I will be going to RIS. If any of you are there, holler at me. Or facebook message me, I will be posting pictures there. Posted by mezba at am 17 comments: Email This BlogThis! Labels: Humour , Muslim Stupidity , Rants. Saturday, December 09, Sacrifice: Here or There? It's that time of the year again.

Eid ul Adha. The sort of forgotten Eid. When we were growing up, this was a big Eid. All of a sudden cows and goats were everywhere. People compared sizes. Uncles got together and hatched plans on how to slaughter this bull because it was so wild. So they would have four people go this way, another four that way, lasso, pull and bam! A knife which had been sharpened away from the bull's sight so as not to cause him trauma!

The last thing I would remember from this sacrifice was the bull's stoic eyes as it stared - somewhat defiantly, somewhat resigned - before they became big, and then shut. Soon, the sands would become red and then water would be poured across to clean the area for the next sacrifice. By the time we left for Canada, the government there had brought in regulations. No longer could you slaughter the animal beneath your building in the parking lot or on the sand nearby. You had to take it to a slaughter house, and so on.

Here, Eid was different. Everyone diligently waited for the Eid ul Fitr , as fasting is hard here. Everyone buys new clothes, jewelery, shoes and dress up for the occasion. Qurbani Eid was different. All of a sudden, one day it's there. You go in the morning for prayers. Around 5 in the evening, your butcher calls you to pick up your meat. End of Eid.

Which brings me to a contentious issue: Should you give your sacrifice here, or back in desiland? I have never believed the opinion that you don't really need to sacrifice an animal because it is cruel. All you need to do is give that amount of money to the poor. Well first, animals die so we can eat. It's a fact of life.

When you do Qurbani you have to kill in the most humane manner. Second, if Allah wanted you to have the option of spending the money rather than slaughter an animal, He would tell you so. He is pretty direct in most cases. So when He says we must slaughter a cattle, I think that's what He means. So says Imam Mezba of the sect of Al-Blogifi. So where to do it, here or there? People who give the sacrifice back in desiland could have one of two reasons. One, it's cheap.

Let's face it - it's hard to part with bucks when you could use another new digital camera or an ipod. Or, most likely reason, they feel there's more poor there, so the meat and money generated due to this activity is better spent there.

Noble reason. However, I feel we have a responsibility to the community we live in, to our local habitat and to our poor neighbours. Zakat we can give to our poorer relatives over there. The sunnah was to slaughter an animal where you live. Don't you think we would enjoy a good and fantastic reputation here? Besides, there is one more advantage to sacrificing an animal here. You get to eat that meat. Which is also sunnah. I love these useful sunnah s. I always opt for a goat.

First, it's cheaper than a share of the cow. Second, you get the whole goat. So you can pick and choose which part of the meat you give to the poor and which one you keep. Hey, no one said I was a saint. Posted by mezba at pm 18 comments: Email This BlogThis! Labels: Islam , Issues. A couple of chuckle posts before I publish my mega rant that will leave some girls fuming to put it mildly.

So before I do that sometime after our halal -now-turning-into- makruh bachelor party , here's something to munch on. First Chuckle: We bloggers really have too much free time. At least at And this is the result. Second Chuckle well, not really but : If you are thinking of marrying an Indian man, you may want to read this.

Maybe this is why Malaysian women prefer Bangladeshi men and not Indian boys. Labels: Bloggers , Humour , News , Poems. Wednesday, December 06, Tada! The Brass Crescent Award winners' list is out. I would like to thank everyone who voted, especially for me :-D - Jazaks!

I would like to share what happened when I first told my parents to go vote for me. Dad: So, you have a blog? Me: Yes. Dad: What do you blog about? Me: Um, nothing in particular really. Just- Dad: Do you get paid for it? Me: No, it's just a hobby. Dad: What will it give you? Me: Um, I don't know. Recognition, I guess. And respect. And then there was my mom. Mom: You have a blog? Me: Yes, it's- Mom: Why didn't you tell me about it? Me: Well, I didn't think- Mom: What article was nominated?

She reads. Me: Than- Mom: Why is anyone even running against you? Me: No one's running. And there's thousands of better writers- Mom: No one can write better than this. Me: Not- Mom: I am going to read all of your blog now. Me: Uh, oh. Me: Um, yes, that was when- Mom: You said it was nothing, someone just clipped your mirror. Me: Well, hehe, not really but I- Mom: You were lying to me.

I always knew you drove too fast. Me: No! I was just- Mom: Did you say "Subhanalla Sakhara Me: Yes, I- Mom: And you always put your music too loud. Me: No, I- Mom: I am very angry with you. Posted by mezba at pm 31 comments: Email This BlogThis!

Labels: Life , The Net. Friday, December 01, Wanted: Halal Sins. How do you plan a "Halal bachelor party"? Talk about challenges. I, along with a few friends, have to plan someone's bachelor party. Now normally that wouldn't be a challenge, given some of my friends. But, here, I am really stuck for ideas. This friend is a more stricter Muslim. So, even though he 'fell in love', stalked the girl until she said yes, and wrote her name in blood an invention and rumour that spread until it became fact , we have to have a HALAL bachelor party.

Now, this is an oxymoron. To join other oxymorons such as 'halal pepperoni' look up the word in the dictionary people , 'attractive hijabi ' and the purpose of hijab is? When we slaughtered the cow we only said 'Bismillahi Allahu Ak' but at that point the maulvi choked on his paan and thus omitted the 'bar' from 'Akbar'.

Anyways, so someone suggests Sultan's Tent to me. They got great food, great ambiance, and a great location. Not to mention, belly dancing. Apparently, since belly dancing is Arabic in origin, that makes it 'Islamic'. OK, whatever. When I called them up on the phone, the guy I spoke to even stressed that they have halal lamb. Come enjoy exotic belly dancing. We also serve Halal lamb.

Also licensed by Liquor License Board of Ontario. Nah, it won't do. Apparently it's a bit risque. Um hello, you guys all went for Temptations concert didn't you? And the Zee Cine Awards in Dubai? So back to square one. There is Paintball. I am going to fire balls at the guys who vetoed Sultan's Tent. Posted by mezba at pm 25 comments: Email This BlogThis! Labels: Friends , Rants.

So it looks like my trip to Bangladesh is not going to happen this Christmas. My dad was watching the Bengali news only person in the house to be remotely interested in any news from Bangladesh when they showed a mini-riot in progress. Apparently some marchers decided to rally outside a shopping store and the police physically charged at them. Two people were shot dead, and a few other broken bones.

How a culture that prides itself on being Muslim can shrug off the loss of life is beyond me. No inquiries will take place about this 'incident'. Now my dad is usually the most optimistic person about Bangladesh. If at any time someone comments, "Oh, I don't know how people live in Bangladesh", he will reply, "Why, is million people not living there?

Even he now thinks it would be a bad idea to visit at this time. It's Eid, it's elections, and it's a political mess. I was speaking to my cousin in Bangladesh and she of course was adamant that there is no danger, but then she's a local. I remember going shopping with her one time, when I was very young.

We were shopping in New Market and all of a sudden I start crying. And then I turn, and I see that everyone was crying. It sounds like something out of a cheesy 80s horror movie but then someone whispered 'Tear Gas'. All I remember was being dragged by my cousins into a nearby shop, where they downed steel shutters, and waiting while police battled - yes battled - some rioters outside.

However, my plans to visit Rangamati a nice, beautiful Kashmir-like place in Bangladesh or Sylhet or any other city will be hold. And since my cousins all have hugely worrying parents runs in the family they won't be allowed to accompany me on my shopping spree which is no.

Not to mention it will be much cheaper to go in February. Yes I know people are starving somewhere else but I can't stop being pissed off at the moment. Anyone attending RIS? I saw Dhoom 2 and Casino Royale over the weekend. You know times have changed when the men show more skin than the women in the movie. The girls were just drooling. Dhoom 2 was a classic bore. The first half was pretty good, and fast paced, so I didn't realize I had gone through 1. Some people said 'well, it had style'.

That is did - production values were top notch - but the script had no logic. Somethings never change. It is a Bollywood movie after all. I would give it a 2. Casino Royale was good in the sense that it was a different type of Bond. Man is that guy built! The scene where he rises from under the water on the bridge, it looked like he was inflated, muscles or as one of my friends call them "mus-kels" all over the place. And the stunts in the first half of the movie blow you out of your mind.

The last one third of the movie drags though. Good thing I play poker so I knew what was happening in the middle one third of the movie. And the Bond girls? Hot as ever. Over all, 3. Tuesday, November 28, Brass Crescent Awards. I am humbled. You can take a look at all the categories and nominees and vote for your favourite blogs here. Vote Here You can vote till Sunday. Tags: Brass Crescent Awards.

Posted by mezba at am 15 comments: Email This BlogThis! Saturday, November 25, Of Breaking Relationships. When they were filling out the form and I was proof reading it, I noticed something strange. And they say same sex marriage does not affect heterosexual marriages. Having played the role of listener and wanna-be Dr. Now why would someone take advice from a person who could not make a successful go of it five times, let alone one, is beyond me.

Having surfed through her web site and the advices she gave, I have come to the conclusion that people like her are a part of the problem. Here are a few questions people have asked her. My wife and I are in mid-life and been married for over 25 years.

She has, to my surprise, recently become very sexy. Gibson takes the hubby down a notch by replying Don't want to pour cold water on a hot situation but it might be possible she's having "guilt sex" because of an affair. Why cast suspicion without any reason? Now rather than enjoying his good fortune the man will be keeping tabs on his wife's cellphone calls. Then there is this gem.

Our year-old daughter is at university and has asked if her boyfriend can visit at Christmas and stay in her bedroom. I know they have sex and practice safe sex and I feel it would be okay because I see her as an adult. Well, good for you. He feels it would set a bad example for her year-old sister. Twenty years ago this question would not even arise in the Canadian society.

Three cheers for the man. People lived the Christian values rather than just talk about it. At 15, her sister can understand that there are different rules at different ages. Whatever happened to "my house, my rules"? While I understand different values exist for different people, you would think as a boyfriend you would be a bit smart.

If you are getting the bagging for the rest of the year surely you can go without it for a few days. Its apparently easy to move on. Love is all about self satisfaction. Marriage is about benefits. When it hits troubled waters, "evaluate". Husbands are not worthy of any special respect.

Compromise is a sign of weakness. A father is just a bank. No wonder divorce is rampant in our society and the institution of marriage is breaking down. It's not just same sex marriage. Tags: Relationships. If you know someone who knows someone who owns a travel agency I will be super grateful.

At this point I have not decided how you will be rewarded but rest assured satisfaction is guaranteed mine at least. D ear Diary, I was made aware of two facts of life over this weekend. Fact 1: If there is a poem that makes no sense, lie like hell to girls. Fact 2: You can be ice cool when your car is being "stolen". Again, a girl was involved.

Dear Diary, I went to this show at York university over the weekend. It had suddenly become the hottest ticket in town, with every young Bengali in T-dot and even from remote outposts such as Hamilton rumored to be attending. The 'story' of the poem was this. Three girls are singing near the river. Apparently in Bangladesh it's customary to sing and dance when you are a female, bathing in public near a river. Three princes appear to see them, and propose on the spot.

Each prince promise their respective beauties lots of gold, silver, land, slaves and palaces. Each of the village belles refuse their advances because the princes only love their beauty, which is fleeting. She bats her eyelids at him and says yes. The man marries her, but then goes off to fight in a war. And never returns. The girl now sings sad songs by the river.

The End. Guess which half of the audience was in awe of the piece. Not just awe, gushing admiration for the moral of the story which is? And now guess which half of the audience was bored to death during this piece. Wrong answer: WTF was all that?

Fact 1. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the way to a girl's heart is plain out lying. Right answer: "You have to feeeeel the anguish of the girl's last song" or "how the poem above underlined the social contrast between the poet's perspective of royal lust and regal love". As for the rest of the York show, man, they have some serious talent on that campus. UofT still rocks though I have to say that, I am biased towards the institution that tortured me for four years.

But York, good, keep it up. It's good to see kids do well nowadays. Now for Fact 2. When my car got "stolen". And I was Mr Ice-cool. Dear Diary, I am at this friend's place in the village. Otherwise known as Brampton. It's a guy's night out. I had taken my laptop there to copy some of his DVDs. I was surfing the net. Suddenly, a girl friend came online. Dear diary, please note the space between "girl" and "friend". We were just chatting casually about movies, of all topics.

Suddenly, one of my 'friends' came rushing into the room. It's not on the driveway! Oh great! Since this friend was usually the stoic serious type, I started to inwardly panic. Second, my keys were in my pocket. So they could not be playing a prank. But, to the outside world, I was cool. All I said was, "OK, gimme a few minutes. And you just don't disappear like that.

So I continued to chat. She talked some more, and then I told her I will be right back. A full five minutes later, I turned to my incredulous friends. The others started to bicker as to whose bad acting gave it away.

And the mystery of the club? Well it wasn't mine to begin with, just another one in the house with the same colour. All in all, a great weekend. Here are a few pictures of the York show. Students form the Bangladesh flag. Heaven and Hell co-host the show. Singers dance to a poem that is sung. M y mom told me to watch this movie called Vivah because it is full of "cultural and traditional" values. How cool is that? I have a mom who tells me to watch movies. Then my dad told me not to waste too much time watching "that crap" and spend it wisely by either studying for my GRE or doing zikr.

Hmm, studies, zikr or movie? In the end I decided Islam places a great importance on mother, so I obeyed her and watched the movie. Apparently there are a few ground rules about desis that I was not aware of. All small businesses will have an accountant, called munim, who will dress like this.

Note the phone - and the film is set in modern times - the phone is connected to his table! That would be some unique name, eh? To join other unique names such Beta , Babu and Bade Sahab. All families where an orphan is brought up will have an evil woman. Her reason for hating the orphan? She is fairer than her own daughter. All Sardars are forever seemingly high on crack.

They always smile with their arms locked in the bhangra position and start every sentance with 'Oye! Only girls from towns with name like 'Behrapur' or 'Golapur' or 'Madhyapur' are good. Because naujawan s from the city are losing faith in words such as ' prerna ', ' shudhatya ' and ' adrishta '.

If you are the head of a large corporation, you inform those who work under you, every one of them, of EVERY rishtaa , or proposal, that comes for your son. You are left alone to talk with your prospect. You should always start with this speech "Hey I don't know what to say in this situation as we have to talk about our future life together but why don't I talk about my previous girlfriend who had 2 other boyfriends and then you tell me if you have any questions.

Good girls always keep their gazes lowered. That movie was so corny, cheesy and bile-inducing with out-of-touch-with-reality. In short, your typical family-type Bollywood movie that your parents will love. I am still trying get one Indian friend who can translate prerna for me. Tags: Vivah Rules For Desis. Posted by mezba at pm 38 comments: Email This BlogThis! O ne of my friends got into nursing recently. The first time I met him , he was picking his major for the second year.

I asked him what he was choosing. I did a double take. A brown guy? He wants to be a doctor, but since a lot of students don't get into med school on their first try, he decided to opt for nursing as his undergradute. If he got into med school, fine. If he didn't, he had an useful degree to actually work in the hospital and getting experience before trying again. So yesterday during lunch hour I popped over to his facility. What I saw boggled the mind.

The mock intensive care unit. There was a whole hospital ward full of "patient"s and the nurses were busy caring for them round the clock. I nearly jumped out of my skin as the "patient" sat up and let out a low moan. These dummies, each worth over 50, dollars, could actually simulate symptoms of most diseases, have heart attacks, even ask for water.

If not cared for properly, they could even die. The Toronto Star even did a profile on this mock ward. The Star's article shows a picture of the mock maternity ward. The baby robot could cry, burp or even - and I don't know how but my friend said so - need a change of diapers. Tags: Nursing. Labels: Anecdotes , Humour.

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